Positive Affirmations: Feel the feelings first

Andrea Hylen
4 min readJan 23, 2021
Photo by Eileen Pan on Unsplash

There is a Youtube video of a preschool girl, standing on the bathroom counter in front of the mirror telling her mother. “Look, I can be a SARK!” Looking in the mirror, she enthusiastically begins with a rambling list of positive affirmations:

“Now, my whole house is great! I can do anything good. I like my school, I like anything, I like my dad…” She emphasizes each sentence with a fist punch into the air, swaying firmly to the left and right with each new declaration.

Whenever I watch this video, I am inspired to go to the mirror and do my own declaration of positivity with fist punches into the air.

But, what happens when you are feeling upset? What happens when you are feeling sad or mad? Do you push on through and act like everything is great?

We are living in a time when it’s common to talk about positive affirmations and visioning and bringing positive thinking into your life. There are movies like, the Secret and Law of Attraction. Books with titles: Ask and It is Given and Positive Thinking.

I do believe in the power of positive thinking and I know that whatever we focus on regularly is what we attract into our lives. I also know that being aware of what we are really feeling is vital to a positive outlook. Be honest about what is happening in your life, right now.

Before you focus on visioning and dreaming, it’s important to understand the first step in using positive affirmations. Be real with what you are feeling. Without honoring this first step, positive affirmations can cover a layer of pain with a bed of roses. Embrace the thorns as part of the process of life and understand that by embracing the pain it will deepen your ability to feel everything. It will expand your emotional capacity to feel more joy.

Imagine that you are cleaning your house and you sweep piles of dirt under the rug, instead of looking at the pile of dirt, sweeping it into a dustpan and releasing it to the trash. After awhile, the piles of dirt accumulate into bumpy mounds and it becomes uncomfortable to walk on the rug. Eventually, you start walking around the rug to avoid the uncomfortable mounds. You stop inviting people to your home because all that hidden dirt is taking up too much space!

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Andrea Hylen

Founder of Heal My Voice and The Incubator. Life Scientist. Live house-free. Widow. Mom of Adult Daughters. Grief. Writing Sexuality. Evolutionary Woman