I've seen this, too. experienced this as a white woman when I started to divorce my white husband. I had "betrayed" the family by calling out the abuse and alcoholism. His family stood up for him in court. My mother wrote a letter explaining my behavior as something wrong with me and none of my family came to court. His sister had been my ally but now she tried to get him to move to another city so she could raise the kids . I didn't understand the "code" I was breaking by standing up to the patriarchy. It harmed my children and me. Mental health and income and therapy. He has never been held accountable even when one of my adult children spoke out. (and then there are the white women who support the white male code for their own status. Perpetuating the code.) Thank you for writing about it. I stand with you.